


You died with him

by Lolik



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Prepare yourself for heart breake, it’s from your perspecitve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 19:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13371426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolik/pseuds/Lolik
Summary: He's everything you ever wanted, your inspiration, your lungs, your life. He could take your breath away in ways you couldn't imagine in the same way he could give you the oxygen.Or: Dan is dead and it's all Phil's fault.





	You died with him

 

**It wasn't like he didn't have a choice. No, quite opposite. He had choice - and it was a _good_ one. But he acted like it never existed, because he never wanted it.**

 

Dan always wanted things he would never have, but nobody could ever blamed him. 

 

So, here we are. In his mid, in his secret memories that are splashed in blurry. In darkness followed by silence.

 

He's nowhere to find, to touch. Maybe he's sad, maybe he's happy… Maybe he never existed and everything is outgrowth of your own imagination. 

 

But that's not important. 

 

You want to get to know him, but you can't. It's frustrating, isn't it? You think you know him, _Phil_ , because you are in his head, but you really aren't. You can see everything from his past - from day he was born, through his first kiss, until you can see his death - and you want to scream, because you can hear his cries too. 

 

He had abusive past. His parents died when he was eleven and he had to go with his aunt. New  surroundings happened and he started to smoke, to do drugs… It gets to point, when he wanted nothing but get high and forget about everything. Everyone was calling it _phase_ , but only Dan knew the bittersweet truth, and that was that there wasn't anything he wanted to do, just dissapear like he never existed. 

 

And then, when he thought he reached his highest spot in his life, Phil happened.

 

_ You happened. _

 

You wanted from him to stop with everything, because you used to thought that he needed help. And you were right, of course you were, because he was broken and alone in a big world. 

 

You broke his shell, you were the first person that could see him cry, and you were also the last.

 

_ You thought you knew him, because you used to love him in ways nobody wanted to.  _

 

But now you can see that even when you loved him, he would never love himself no matter how everyone tried… But that 's okay, because you would always stay and kissed him until he was asleep.

 

And now he's gone and everything you loved about him is gone too and now you are alone, now you understand him but it's too late. Everybody warned you about him - even he, thousand times. 

 

Stubbornness and love didn 't let you to let him go. 

 

You two are still flying on top of the world in his mind and you are smiling, because despite that he had though life, he was so innocent in his thoughts. Suddenly, his wings dissapear and he starts falling from sky on ground. 

 

_ Is this kind of sick joke? y _ ou want to scream on top of your lungs, but your mouth isn't moving. 

 

You are reaching for him, but he's falling fast, too fast. 

 

Memories like flashes starts to hitting you, but you are still trying. Something is wrong, because whenever you are going fast, Dan is always faster than you. You can't see his face but you are sure he isn't afraid, after all, this is what he always wanted. 

 

_ He's everything you ever wanted, your inspiration, your lungs, your life. He could take your breath away in ways you couldn't imagine in the same way he could give you the oxygen.  _

 

Reminder of someone is suddenly hitting you and you just stop trying. 

 

You are shocked and far too gone. It's you, screaming at Dan for some stupid little thing he did with his clumsiness, even when both of you knew that you are the one who's always breaking stuff. He's crying, saying  _ I love you _ and  _ I'm sorry _ in high pitched voice and it's breaking your heart - but it happened and now it's nothing you can do to prevent it.

 

Apparently, you are not listening. 

 

Like right now, when he's falling and falling god knows where.

 

And then, it's happening. You know very well you are the only one person he trusted and your place is the only place he could stay in the night, but you still say it. 

 

_ Go away. _

 

Silence, here and now too. His mind is peace, his heart stopped to bumping, he listened to you. Dan's movements were slow, his eyes were all red and puffy, buthe still listened to you and packed some random t-shirts and jeans into bag.

 

He leaved.

 

Now, you are afraid and start to regretting your desicions, start to running after him but he's gone. 

 

Like now, when you realize what you've done. 

 

You know it's bad, but you would never know that it was the last time you saw him. _He died, alone, crying while you were home waiting for him because you loved him no matter what._

 

_ Too bad you didn't act like it. _

 

Now, everything is blurry. Phone call, his name, his body, cops, funeral… And his things in your place he left behind. 

 

You know too well he was the only thing that could fix you to the earth, but now he's gone and you can see his face everywhere, in photos on your fridge, in cover of his favorite book... 

 

He always used to joke about taking pills and falling into sleep for good and now it's the only way. You are crying, because even now is it his who jokes in your head.  _You are shaking mess because of it, but it just won't stop._

 

You whispered his name, several times, with each pill and sip of water while time passed. Your head was lower and lower until you were gone.

 

_ He's gone too. _

 

And now you know, everything is back in colors, his smile and voice is coming for you until you finally can see him. 

 

He's smiling, so hard that his dimples are showing, because he finally found peace with you… And maybe it's crazy, but now you know. 

 

**_You died with him._ **

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I know this was... emotional rollercoaster (and I swear I can work with another words than just "he, him his" but it was for that feeling, I hope we understand :D but thank you so much for reading it! ♥ This was my first oneshot I wrote in english (mostly because my first language isn't english), so if you find mistakes/ or you want from me to write something that isn't just pure angst, just let me know in comments below. 
> 
> Also, this oneshot wasn't about D&P at first, but I wanted to change that so I did. I hope this doesn't offend anyone.


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